Today I want to talk to about something that I haven’t really shared before.
If you follow me on Instagram you have probably noticed that I recently uploaded a lot of self portrait pictures. Which is kind of normal when you want to be a fashion blogger.
When I was sharing these pictures with my friend who took them, I couldn’t stop thinking how narcissistic it is to look at yourself over and over again, and to actually really love pictures of yourself.
My current Instagram is full of my own face.
But does that make me love myself?
The reason why I love blogging is actually a big contradiction. I love to write and I love to share my passion. But the majority of the time I really don’t like the way I look. Creating content is a constant struggle between those two parts of me. There are moments that I can’t have my picture taken because I literally hate the way I look. Recently I couldn’t be happier with the way my pictures turned out. So I share them and I’m that ‘narcissist blogger’ for a few days.
Of course I over exaggerate with the term ‘narcissist’. I would love to be that person that is constantly happy with the way he or she looks. But then again I have never met someone who is. I realized that it’s really important to just love myself the way I am. I have never been as heavy as I am now. And I’m still really proud of how these pictures turned out. I have been struggling with my weight since the beginning of high school. I have cancelled so many things because I hated the way I looked. I am so happy that I don’t do that any more.
I used to be that person that would think, OMG my arm looks fat I’m not posting this picture. But now I think, Imke have you been to the gym? Have you watched what you ate? I probably didn’t. So as long as I’m not working hard enough to look better I just have to be happy with the way I look. Well that is what I tell myself at least. Most of the times it works and it motivates me to work out and eat better. But there are also moments that I couldn’t care less and on those moments I’m probably eating some Doritos while I’m watching Youtube. There is nothing wrong with that. But I have learned that I can’t expect to look fabulous whilst having that lifestyle 🙂
But sometimes I still have these crazy thoughts. I have this gorgeous self portrait dress, I already own it for more than a year. But I never wear it because I hate my arms.
So note to myself: Go to the gym and work on those arms, that dress is to pretty not to be worn!
I just really wanted to share this with you. So the next time you see a happy self portrait of someone on Instagram, don’t forget that that picture has a whole story that you don’t know about. Just like the picture and use it as inspiration but never force yourself to do anything that doesn’t make you happy.
Lots of Love
Big thanks to Eline for these gorgeous pictures!
Shoes: Tommy Hilfiger